I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
