It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
