You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
