Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
