some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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