I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize