Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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