I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
