Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
