Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
