my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
