the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
