i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
