I bet he comes in French.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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