Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
