Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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