The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
