I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
