please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
