And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
