and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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