I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Randomize
