I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
