I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
