where am i from again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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