There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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