Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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