The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
