you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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