Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize