Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
