so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
