I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize