Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
