your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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