Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
