Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
