how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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