Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
