My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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