Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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