That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
