I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
