peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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