We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
