You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
