so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
