Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
