shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
