can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
