Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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