Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I checked into jail on foursquare
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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