I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
