I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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