she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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