how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
