Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
