Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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