My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
false alarm, still single
Randomize
