Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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