I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
