I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
