You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
