I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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