He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
