It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
