So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
