Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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