just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
