the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
