Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
